How to deal with family or social events...
When there's a new baby or pregnancy news and you're going through infertility
Hi, I’m an award winning transformative coach and founder of the Fertility Life Raft®. I went through a fertility journey myself and found a huge gap in the support available. I have no interest in ‘helping you get pregnant faster’ or telling you that you’re not thinking positively enough. Every single day since 2017 I have been online, sharing my message on how to actually live fully; focusing on the things that actually get you through this turbulent season at the root, the SOUL and not the external ‘fixes’ you are bombarded with. You can subscribe at the bottom, connect with me in the comments or share my work so people who need it find it - with so much gratitude from me. Thank you.
Prefer to listen to this? Here’s my podcast which I recorded while walking through the fields where I live! It was lush! So if you feel like a walk - option to pull on your shoes, plug in your headphones and have a listen. Or sit down with a cuppa and have a read instead:
Every month I coach members inside the Life Raft and the question: ‘how the hell do I deal with family or social events when there’s a pregnancy or new baby and I feel deep in grief/rage/pain/confusion’ is a theme which comes up many times.
So, let’s talk about events when you’re going through infertility.
These moments stir up intense feelings—grief, rage, fear, frustration—all of it. So in this post, I’m sharing the strategies I use with my clients and members to navigate these challenges with compassion, honesty, and strength.
The most recent coaching session that we had, my member shared that not only was she dreading the event, she was feeling angry. Let’s start by addressing RAGE.
Rage Is Not the Enemy
Rage is often misunderstood. It’s not just “unreasonable anger” or you “not coping” or being ‘hormonal’ (what on earth does that even mean anyway); it’s a signal, a message, a little missive… that something within us needs love, healing, or attention.
Let yourself feel it. Really feel it.
You can scream, punch pillows, throw things (preferably soft and ideally not at someone else!) and once that sort of visceral ‘rage-energy’ has coursed through your system, then personally, I would grab a pen and paper and write it all down.
Get the swirling thoughts out of your head.
Write on the back of an envelope if your worried about it being found or anything else that’s preventing you from doing it. Burn it afterwards if you like. The act of expressing your emotions is what matters.
Permission to Say No
When faced with a family or social gathering, first of all ask yourself: Do I want to go?
If the answer is no, that’s TOTALLY okay.
You have permission to hold your boundaries and skip the event if it feels too overwhelming. You don’t need to justify this to anyone, you can simply . Protecting your emotional well-being is reason enough.
If You Do Want to Go…
If you do want to attend (and I hope by the end of this piece you might feel like you can), it’s about preparing yourself in a way that feels supportive. Here’s what I suggest:
• Tune into Your Body: Emotions don’t live in your head alone. Notice where you’re holding tension—your chest, stomach, jaw? Move through it. If this question trips you up I GET IT. I never really used to be able to identify this, but with practice it gets easier!
• If you find yourself thinking, on repeat: This is going to be awful or I can’t handle this… Try reframing your thoughts, for example: This is hard, but I can handle it. I’m going to approach this with compassion for myself
• Visualise How You Want to Feel: Picture yourself at the event, grounded and safe. Focus on what you want more of—connection, calm, and resilience—rather than what you fear.
Also - if you’re not in the mood to do any of this shit, that’s OK too. Go get a hug. Sometimes we just need a hug and a hobnob and we feel a whole lot better.
Find Your Community
I cannot stress enough how powerful this is. Sometimes all you need is for someone else to say OMG ME TOO when you share that you feel angry and scared or anything else you’re feeling. Whether it’s the Life Raft community or friends who truly “get it,” surround yourself with people who can hold space for your experience. Acknowledgment and understanding from others can be so healing.
Maybe it’ll be OK…
I can’t tell you how often members of Life Raft share stories of dreading a family event, doing the prep work with me and the community, and then they come back saying, “That was so much better than I expected and I’m so glad I went!” When you feel resourced, secure, and supported, sometimes things really do feel more than OK.
That’s not to say this is easy—far from it. I know it’s messy and painful. But I want you to know there are tools, practices, and communities to help you move through it all in a way that feels much better than you might believe right now.
Final Thoughts
I really hope this post has reached you at the right moment. If you’ve got a family gathering coming up and you’re dreading it, take these suggestions and work through them. And if you’re not already subscribed to Fertility Life Raft on your podcast app, come and subscribe to go and listen to all my episodes and definitely join me here on substack.
What are your fave ways and strategies to get through - or even, ENJOY family events and social occasions when you’re going through it all? Share below and let me know what bits of this resonated for you.
Take care,
Alice X
Resources and Links:
• Join the Life Raft Community: Fertility Life Raft Membership
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• Contact us: hello@fertilityliferaft.com